| The back-to-school sales advertised in | | | | seems exactly the same." And that is true, but |
| newspapers and on television obviously mean one | | | | consider this: do you want to be the laughing |
| thing: Matlock was a fairly popular show, especially | | | | stock at school for something besides wearing |
| among older Americans. Besides this, though, one | | | | your underwear on the wrong side of your |
| can infer that many will soon be shopping for | | | | pants?I didn't think so...Finally, I also see a need |
| school supplies -- the usual, like pencils, pens and | | | | this year to buy Scantron sheets. The surge of |
| notebooks. But whether you are the shopper or | | | | text messaging has eliminated most students' |
| the shoppee, it is important to keep in mind that | | | | abilities to form long sentences. Thus, pass notes |
| school survival cannot possibly occur this year | | | | this year by using self-produced multiple-choice |
| without some additional supplies...To begin, the | | | | tests. Need a starter question? Try this:Q: This is |
| 2005-06 scholastic year is a ten-month period | | | | boring, huh?Choices:1. My gosh, it's like watching |
| when writing with charcoal will make a comeback | | | | paint dry. |
| after a brief 2000-year absence. With the rise in | | | | 2. Gee whiz, it's like watching paint dry. |
| gas prices, people will need to save money | | | | 3. Yikes, it's like watching paint dry. |
| somehow, and that means using leftover | | | | 4. Other.With this new list of school necessities |
| barbeque supplies. I won't even get into what will | | | | now revealed, the only wonder is how much |
| happen with the extra lighter fluid and shish kabob | | | | traffic there will be once people realize these |
| skewers, but I would suggest hiding hamsters -- | | | | needs. But just remember: there is still a month |
| right now. Please, for the sake of humanity: | | | | left until school starts. That leaves plenty of time |
| now...After stocking up on additional charcoal and | | | | to procrastinate...But I digress.Greg Gagliardi is a |
| likely a charcoal eraser, otherwise known as your | | | | teacher and writer. His stream-of-consciousness |
| hand, consider buying this year's newest graphing | | | | weekly humor column, "Progressive Revelations," |
| calculator. You may be thinking, "But I just bought | | | | has been ongoing since 1998. |
| the newest model of last year. This year's model | | | | |